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SpongeBob's Incredibly Weird Winter
|writer = |previous = (none) |next = (none) }}SpongeBob's Incredibly Weird Winter is an upcoming stand-alone winter special very loosely based on SpongeBob SquarePants. Overview The rabid-Egalitarians are getting out of hand. It is up to SpongeBob and friends to stop them, and convince the head Egalitarian to halt his unruly behaviour and save winter. Synopsis It was a snowy late November morning. SpongeBob was getting ready for work. On his way down stairs, he got a phone call from Patrick. "Hi, Patrick?", "Yeah, SpongeBob. Before you go to work, meet me outside my house.". Patrick sounded rather nervous. SpongeBob met Patrick who was outside his own rock. "Patrick, what's wrong?", SpongeBob asked Patrick, who replied with, "The egalitarians are threatening because I said even though egalitarianism is a good thing, I just don't indentify as one. They are also threatening me because, even though I aren't one, I don't hate otherkin.". Patrick just made a mistake. As soon as the word "otherkin" was mentioned, three egalitarians come out of nowhere and began harrassing Patrick. "Did you say otherkin!? How are you!!" the first Egalitarian said. "They are the scum of the earth!" the second Egalitarian said. "You suck! I hate you!" said the third egalitarian. "I know why you might find otherkin unusual, but neither Patrick and I are otherkin.", replied SpongeBob, trying to calm down the Egalitarians down. "Let me guess, you two are Trump supporters too!?" said the first Egalitarian. "Well, I don't support him, but I don't hate him.", replied SpongeBob. "You don't hate Donald Trump!?!?", shouted the second Egalitarian. "He must be a homophobe and racist!! OPPRESSION!!!" shouted the third Egalitarian. As the three Egalitarians ranted and raved, Patrick asked SpongeBob, "If Egalitarians want peace and equality for everyone, then why are these ones so angry and even hateful?". "Those are fake Egalitarians, which some people call 'Faketarians'. A true Egalitarian does want peace and equality for everyone. Even thought I'm not an Egalitarian of any kind, these people are very nice. I will try and calm down these Egalitarians.", SpongeBob replied back with. "My Little Pony", SpongeBob suddenly said. All of the sudden, the three ravaging Egalitarians were no longer ranting on. They just stopped and left, with happy smiles on their faces. "'My Little Pony' is the magic term for Faketarians, but the worst Faketarians on a whole new level, and they can't be calmed down like that. If anything, they're actually more mentally stable, which makes them smarter, and thus easier to bring down.", SpongeBob explained to Patrick. "I have go to work now, Patrick. Go and tell anyone non-Egalitarian about the incident with the Egalitarians threatening you. Meet me at my house at 7 PM and we'll discuss everything.", SpongeBob said to Patrick. Patrick went off to tell non-Egalitarians about the incident, and with that, SpongeBob went off to work. SpongeBob arrived at the Krusty Krab. His was workday was rather normal. Thought at 11 AM, three hours after his shift began, Sandy arrived in the Krusty Krab. "Hey, SpongeBob, when it's your break, can I talk to you about something?", Sandy asked, in a somewhat nervous tone. 10 minutes later, it was breaktime for both SpongeBob and Squidward. "What is it, Sandy?", asked SpongeBob. "I heard about the egalitarians. They're not only threatening Patrick, but they're also threatening entire companies.", Sandy nervously explained. SpongeBob became very shocked. "They're threatening to destroy safe spaces for individuals, public safe spaces, and safe space hotels. It's so horrible!", Sandy further explained. Squidward suddenly came over to the table SpongeBob and Sandy were sitting at. "Hey, you two. I've heard about the rabid Egalitarian issue too. I know who is behind it all. An Egalitarian by the name of 'George'.", Squidward explained. "...does he have a second name?", asked Sandy. "Yeah, but I'm not bothered to mention it.", replied Squidward. "Alright then...", replied Sandy. "Let's meet up at my house at 7 PM. Patrick will be there too.", SpongeBob explained. His break ended five minutes later, and he had to get back to work. Several hours later, at 7 PM, his shift had already ended. Patrick and Squidward arrived at 2 minutes past 7, while Sandy arrived another 3 minutes later, at 7:05 PM. SpongeBob started the meeting by asking Patrick, "How much Egalitarians were there and were there any remarkable or popular ones?". Patrick replied back with, "There were 7 of them. There was only 1 remarkable one there, which was Simon Hailfish, the second most notorious Egalitarian next to George Greyning.". "So that's what his second name was.", Sandy remarked. "I have a plan to take them and keep all safe spaces safe again.", Squidward stated. "Good to know. What's the plan?", asked SpongeBob. "We confront all Egalitarians below George, and try to keep them from interfering with anything. We then confront George, and spike his coffee with liquid cannabis. This is planned to take place next week at 11 AM.", Squidward explained. "Sounds like a great plan. How much people will be involved in it?", asked Sandy. "250 people will be involved in it. Also, to guard Patricks home, I've hired two non-SJW Tumblr users to keep out the Egalitarians.", Squidward answered. "Sounds perfect to me.", SpongeBob said. "But this meeting isn't over yet. We need to discuss how to avoid the rabid Egalitarians.", he further added. "Well, there is simply saying 'My Little Pony' to stage 1 rabid Egalitarians. For stage 2 Egalitarians... I'm not sure yet.", Sandy stated. "Say to them 'My Little Ponies & Puppies'.", Squidward answered. "I've seen that work before, but you must conceal your genitals.", Squidward further added. "Must conceal our what...?", Sandy asked in a confused tone. "Oh, um, nothing.", Squidward answered. "I'll tell Mr. Krabs about this. He'll probably be in on it. After those rabid stage 2 Egalitarians stole €5 and a pencil from him, he definitely isn't on good terms with him.", SpongeBob stated. "They stole his pencil from him? How he did get over that loss?", Patrick asked in a shocked and sombre tone. "Some people just have strong will.", SpongeBob replied. Everyone went home after a while. Patrick no longer had to worry because the sane Tumblr guards were keeping his house safe. Squidward and Sandy safely got home without any encounters with rabid Egalitarians. SpongeBob had a regular night. At work the next day, first thing at work the next day, he'd inform Mr. Krabs about the plan to stop the Egalitarians. He was feeling very determined. The next morning, SpongeBob fed Gary some ketamine. SpongeBob read on Pinterest that snail food should be mixed with ketamine at night, and then have the snail fed just ketamine in the morning. Gary quite liked it. SpongeBob looked out his window after looking at lingerie and saw a bad sight. "Oh fuck...!", he said. Loudly. It caught the attention of Gary. There was a crowd of Egalitarians bickering seemingly at thin air. SpongeBob ran out to them. "My Little Pony!", SpongeBob said. There were 10 egalitarians, 7 of whom left after My Little Pony was mentioned. The other 3 remaining must have been stage 2 Egalitarians. SpongeBob forgot what the magic term for those Egalitarians was. He knew it was 'My Little Pony &...', he forgot the following term. "Think SpongeBob, think! What was the following term!?", thinking about it made it click in very easily. "Now I remember! 'My Little Pony & Puppies!', as soon as those words were mentioned, the 3 remaining rabid Egalitarians calmed down and left. "Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.', SpongeBob said to himself before he continued walking to work. SpongeBob met Laci Green on his way to the Krusty Krab. "Hi, SpongeBob. I don't have time to talk about much, but I hope the Egalitarians don't ruin winter.", Laci said in a sombre tone. She continued walking on. "I hope they don't. I can't let them do that.", SpongeBob thought to himself. feeling full of courage and strength. The Egalitarians couldn't have that much power to ruin winter as a whole. SpongeBob didn't let the thought trouble him too much. SpongeBob arrived at the Krusty Krab. He went into Mr. Krabs' office. "SpongeBob, I'm already against the rabid Egalitarians. I was against them even before they stole my €5 and my pencil.", SpongeBob was very glad to hear this. He knew Mr. Krabs would never disappoint him. The anti-rabid-Egalitarian side was becoming stronger and stronger, but there were still a very large amount of rabid Egalitarians. SpongeBob knew the anti-rabid-Egalitarians would win. They just had to. As SpongeBob delivered food to a table, to be specific, Fred and Sadie's table, he said, "Hey SpongeBob. You might want to know this, but my great uncle and his homosexual boyfriend slept together... and guess what? Three teenagers, males to be exact. They came into their bedroom, and started messing around with them. They forced them to wear bikinis!", SpongeBob was shocked. "Poor old men. They wouldn't like that at all!", SpongeBob replied. "Well, I have to get back to work. I have to take a small glass of water with brown cocaine added.", after SpongeBob drank his small drink of water with brown cocaine. He then got back to work. A rabid-Egalitarian entered the Krusty Krab. This one seeming to complain about furries. After around 10 seconds of him rambling, somebody said, "My Little Pony & Puppies.", and the rabid Egalitarian left. It was appearantly a stage 2 rabid, as saying the aforementioned term won't work with stage 1 rabids. Stage 2 rabids were seemingly becoming common. The day continued on as normal. SpongeBob went home without any encounters with rabid Eglitarians. The next week carried on as normal. SpongeBob had some encounters with rabid stage 1 & 2 Egalitarians, but they were easily sorted. There were only 5 stage 3 rabid Egalitarians. One encountered Sandy and a few others two days before the plan to retake the safe spaces occured. Jack Kelpingson, the Egalitarian in question, went full on insane, and violently lunged at some people. He was arrested. Jessica Blike, 1 of the 5 stage 3 rabids, was arrested a month before, and was to be released on December 11. She was arrested for trying to steal stationary supplies from children's schools. The other 3 stage 3 rabid Egalitarians had their whereabouts mainly unknown. George Greyning was in his hideout. Simon Hailfish and James Kenner (the last stage 3 rabid Egalitarian we identified) were also likely there, or atleast near there. The day before the plan to retake the safe spaces had arrived. "Hey, SpongeBob!", Mr. Krabs shouted. "We found out the locations of the 3 remaining Egalitarian leaders! George is in the basement of his hideout, and James is also there. Simon is in the outskirts of the city.", he explained. "Where abouts is the hideout of George?", SpongeBob asked. "Near the centre of Bikini Bottom. It's a large grey building.", Mr. Krabs explained. SpongeBob began making plans on how to infiltrate the building. He explained that the guards could be distracted by My Little Pony & Puppies, thus letting the building freely open. Find James and prevent him from doing anything. Spike George's drink with liquid Cannabis, making him nice, thus ordering all rabid Egalitarians to stop, thus ending the rein of the Egalitarians. SpongeBob knew nothing could go wrong now. The next day was the big day. It didn't really sound that advanced in the end. It was guaranteed to succeed. There was no other option. Anti-rabid Egalitarians began to infiltrate the hideout of George. All rabid Egalitarians were halted. Eventually, James was encountered. "Ha, you thought this would be that easy? You thought wrong!", he said to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward. "No, I thought right. I can go full on anti-rabid Egalitarian on you!", he replied back to James. James and Squidward proceeded to violently attack eachother. "Biggest asspull of the month.", SpongeBob remarkded about Squidward. Eventually, SpongeBob and Sandy reached the room of George. They opened the door. George wasn't there. His cup of coffee was there. Sandy got out the liquid cannabis, poured it into George's coffee. "Perfect.", Sandy remarked. They left the room. George came back and asked aloud "Who was that? Ehh, probably just mice", he said. He then proceeded to drink his coffee. Unaware that it was spiked with liquid cannabis. George suddenly felt a lot happier. "Okay, mission clear. Everyone leave. Go go go.", Sandy radioed to everyone. Within minutes, George came to a large tower. with a microphone, and said, "Hey, everybody, safe spaces should be value!", and within seconds. Egalitarians of all kinds suddenly halted their behaviour that was illiberal and far-right. The mission was a success. Moderate Egalitarians and moderate non-Egalitarians could now cooperate. Laci Green was very happy with the outcome. Stage 3 rabid-Egalitarians suddenly had their views turn drastically. Both liberals and conservatives were happy, because valuing safe spaces is an amazing feeling. "Ugh, what the fuck is weird smoky feeling in my mouth!?", George asked, before vomitting. "Uhh, it's nothing...", SpongeBob said in a somewhat calm tone. "Well, it turned out to be a good winter!", Patrick said. "Indeed, it has been a good winter. It will continue to be a good winter too!!", SpongeBob said excitely. Everyone was having a nice and wonderful time now that the safe spaces were once again valid. SpongeBob was feeling very excited for Christmas, but it was still a short while away. Winter is an entire 4-month season, afterall. Trivia *The article for the special was made on November 16, and was given a release of November 17, the next day. It was pushed back to November 24, a week after. *The writing is intentionally poor and unusual. *The plot was revealed as a sneak peak on November 23, a day before the official release. *Despite its title, the special doesn't have much to do with winter. *The special was released the same date as Thanksgiving in the United States. This is merely a coincidence, as the producer of the special is from a country where Thanksgiving isn't celebrated. 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